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The Ballad of Phil the Alien

from Ghosts by J. P. Whipple (Barefoot John Whipple)

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This one explains itself. That, I suppose, is the point. People have such a bad habit of not thinking for themselves. If someone gives them an answer they’ll take it without question… no matter who is giving them the answer or what that answer is. This is really confusing to poor Phil. He was just hoping to take a break from the cold black emptiness of space. Instead, everyone is expecting him to solve Earth’s problems. What the fuck does he know about the meaning of life?

lyrics

The Ballad of Phil the Alien

Phil the alien came down. He was just passing by and thought he would have a look around.
It looked like a nice place to relax… get a little sun.
Recharge the old batteries. Get some reading done.
But news traveled fast where his ship went down.
People started gathering from miles around.
Some came to gawk. Others came to protest.
Some people just need to yell so they got it off their chest.
Some set up stands. Sold hats and T-shirts.
Others came to pray... fearing the worst.
Scientists came and asked him “What’s the secret of the universe?”
The alien looked around and said “I think it only gets worse.”
The President came too… seeking some advice.
The alien said “You all look the same to me. Why can’t you play nice?”
“I ain’t no messiah. No Cinderella. I’m just looking for some peace.
Don’t you know it’s mighty cold in space. I’m just looking for some peace.”

So the alien went on the TV. That way everyone could see. There’d be no more mystery.
Fox News got him first… and they’re the worst.
The interview was no use. The commentator just wanted to hear his own views.
Then he went on NPR. You know how those folks are.
They took everything way too far.
The man said “Some of us believe in God. What’s your take?”
The alien said “Gods are hard to find but they’re pretty easy to make.”
“Is there life after death?” The alien said “I wouldn’t hold my breath.”
“What’s the meaning of life then?”
The alien said “Well…
What else you got left?”
“I ain’t no messiah. No Barbarella. I’m just looking for some peace.
It’s mighty cold out there in space. I’m just looking for place to be.”

Word traveled right away. A lot of folks didn’t like what the alien had to say.
“He’s been sent by the Devil!” That’s what a preacher said.
Some hicks showed up with shotguns wanting his head.
Not everyone wanted him to go.
Two networks offered him his own reality TV show.
Some folks wanted to go with him but he said he couldn’t handle the weight.
“Besides”, he said “What makes you think my planet is so great?
It’s overcrowded as hell. The traffic is the worst.
Takes ten light years just to get out of the suburbs.”
Soon the alien grew sick of the mob.
They broke through his forcefield last night. All his hubcaps were robbed.
The military was closing in thinking that with all his technology we’re always going to win.
“I ain’t no messiah. No Godzilla. I’m just looking for some peace.
Don’t you know it’s mighty cold out there in space. I’m just looking for a place to be.”

The alien left the next morning without a word.
Some folks say they saw him giving us the bird.
The military gave chase but they were way too slow.
Besides, we can’t afford another war.
We had to let him go.
Pretty soon the crowd started to move on.
A lot of folks were crying now that the alien was gone.
Some say he still comes around
but he knows better now and steers clear of town.
Some kids in Sedona came up to me
saying they saw the alien out in the desert…
while they were on LSD.
Some say he’s up on the moon where you can camp for free.
There’s no ranger up there trying to get a fee.
A lonely scientist sent a message out into space…
saying if you ever come back you can stay at my place.
But the alien went back to the station and took the evening train
telling everyone he met not to go down there.
Those creatures are insane.
“They thought I was the messiah but I’m just an ordinary fella looking for some peace.
Don’t you know it’s mighty cold out here in space. I’m just looking for a place to be.”

credits

from Ghosts, released January 19, 2013

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J. P. Whipple (Barefoot John Whipple) Salt Lake City, Utah

J. P. Whipple is a singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist. He has spent a life drifting across the country singing old time roots, blues, and country.

He is a founding member of the psychedelic band Tycoon Machete: tycoonmachete.bandcamp.com
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